Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
