So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
