Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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