he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
