oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
