kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
