Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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