Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
