Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize