we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
