And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
