I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
