im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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