Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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