Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
