R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
