thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I understand Curling. That high.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
