I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
