I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
