So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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