Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
