tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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