She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
vagina is talking i cant
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I love you.
Bad choice
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
