Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
