My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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