For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
