...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
