i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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