I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
