In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
