the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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