he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
