Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
