you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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