She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
