ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
