im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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