i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
BRING THE BAGELS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
