I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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