Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drunk is not a location!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.