highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
