I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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