I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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