Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
