My room smells like vodka and shame
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
