we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
