I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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