this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
