would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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