The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
