I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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