Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
