your parents love me but you hate me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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