dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
