Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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