careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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