Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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