So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
