so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
