maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
