I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
